none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
