i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
