I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
