doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to sanitize my soul.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
