I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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