Princesses don't give blow jobs
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
