Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
