We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
