So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
