Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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