do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
