Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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