There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
