He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I see more hoeing in ur future
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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