Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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