Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its not stalking. its research.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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