i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
