he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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