Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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