How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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