If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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