I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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