I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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