I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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