I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
