Who wears a wallet chain?!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
