he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
