Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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