I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
