She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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