i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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