Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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