ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
