Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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