Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize