he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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