there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
