His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
