i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
