my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
