Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
