it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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