not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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