Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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