That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
