see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
