never play flip cup with pint glasses
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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