I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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