It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
