just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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