what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
