It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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