at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
