I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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