You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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