I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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