he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
