i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize