and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
