If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
