I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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