I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize