Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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