call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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