Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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