omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
