it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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