Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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