Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
