Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
